If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
