You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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