i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
