I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
