I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
smell my finger.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
