Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
