We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
