When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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