my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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