So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
