I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize