remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
