i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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