You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
