I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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