THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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