But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
