I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Life is so much better after having sex.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
