Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
