Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
