I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
