All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
