What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
