I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
