There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
