why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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