i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
