Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
