VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
