Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
