You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
