You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
