Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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