I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize