what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
