Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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