This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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