If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
