i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
