I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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