That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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