i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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