i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
