I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
