Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
