My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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