Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize