it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
