she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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