My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
