the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize