I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
