no, he came in my armpit
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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