I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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