her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
