So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
