what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize