here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
