I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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