Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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