Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
