I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All the doctor said was why
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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