He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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