it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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