I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
