I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
