So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I queefed so loud it echoed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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