home. puking in laundry basket.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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