three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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