Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
