I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
