Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
