Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
