Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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