So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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