I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
