I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
