i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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