it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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