Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
