I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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