Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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