p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
