Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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