I must be too annoying 4 u.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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