one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
