new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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