Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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