Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let's get the cat blown out
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
